It’s a rare moment where Jackson’s sleeping soundly in his boppy and not on my chest or in my arms. It’s so strange. My hands feel empty without him in them. I look at him and get overwhelmed with emotion, tears instantly filling my eyes. This is the little miracle boy I’ve waited all my life for. This is the blue eyed sweetheart who in an instant stole my heart and filled my whole world. I can never truly explain the extent of my love for him or how much my heart swells just looking at his perfect face. He is truly my every dream come true and I forget what life was like before him. I truly believe my life started the day he came into this world.
He’s up again and cuddled to my chest. I’ve mastered living one handed. I’m not perfect at it and sometimes a loose pea will find itself wrapped in his blankie. But he forgives me. In just 5 days we’ve learned so much and become an even better team. Sleep is getting less evasive, I’ve learned 90% of his cues and I’ve given over reign of the schedule. Just as in utero, he’s the boss.
Every day I fall in love with him even more. His big yawns that take every muscle in his body to produce, his hungry face where his eyes get as wide as can be stretching out his face while still closed, his pursy lips and little tongue. I love everything about him and feel so blessed to be his mommy.
He’s extremely cold sensitive and screams bloody murder if he’s naked. He loves being cuddled and explores with his big blue eyes the world around him. He likes to dance to mommy’s ridiculous made up songs and if he had it his way he’d never stop eating. Just like in mommy’s belly he stretches his long legs out and loves to kick off things with them. I see a future runner, just like his mommy and daddy.
Sure there have been times each night he’s gotten fussy, sometimes for hours on end when nothing seems to soothe him but as we grow together we’re learning more and more how to work together. For now that means him sleeping on my chest as we’re surrounded by 12 pillows so we’re unable to move. No matter how hard it is to hear your child cry for hours with nothing to relieve him and working on next to no sleep there’s never been a moment where I’ve wondered “what I got myself into”, only awe at how lucky I am to be his mother and how time’s already flying by too fast.