Thankful


Its Bryan’s morning to wake up with the big one, so I’m hiding out in our bed waiting for tiny to awake to join them. It’s difficult for me to fall back asleep once I hear them up (& the banging of his trucks on the floor doesn’t help). As I lay here listening, I’m searching through all the blog posts I’ve written and never pushed the published button on. I think it’s about time to move some of these “drafts” to the blog.This one is from thanksgiving last year. Enjoy 🙂

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It’s 3:05am. I’m sitting in the darkened office, typing by the light of the computer screen. I’ve spent the last 56 minutes draped over the side of the pack n play watching the rhythmic rise and fall of my son’s chest and listening to the peaceful lull of his sleeping breath. I can’t seem to find the strength to roll over and go back to sleep. I’m fully engrossed in everything about this little being. I’m mesmerized. Captivated. Amazed that this tiny little being is mine. And just as I’m consumed with this overwhelming feeling of pure elation, gratefulness and disbelief, I’m struck with this wonder at how and when he’s gotten so big.

His body, fully stretched, is the length of the pack n play now. Long gone are the skinny limbs of a newborn, replaced with the wonderful rolls of healthy fat and growing muscle that mark his transition into infancy. His adorable belly protrudes over the waistband of his striped pajama pants. His beautiful cheeks are full and begging to be constantly kissed. And I oblige. His light brown hair is quickly starting to come back in. His big, shining eyes are almost fully turned to brown. His smile. His laugh. His disposition. They’re engaging and gorgeous. They have a way of shocking you out of any thought process you may be having and leaving you staring back at him with all consuming love.

This little boy, who’s growing by leaps and bounds as I watch him sleep, wondering what he’s dreaming about, is one of the most amazing things to ever grace my life. Being his and his brother’s mommy is the greatest role I will ever play.

Today is his first Thanksgiving. As I sit here typing at the computer after spending 6 long minutes holding my breath as I tiptoed out of our room and down the steps, trying desperately not to wake anyone with the creaking of the floorboards, I’m consumed with this feeling of complete and utter gratitude. I am a lucky girl.

There are so many events that transpired this year that left me questioning the purpose of overcoming what at the time felt like endless challenges and trials. It felt unfair. But I’ve come to realize that everything really does happen for a reason, even if we can’t always see or agree with the reasoning. This year I’ve been reminded in the deepest core of my being that life is too short. There will always be someone who has it worse off than you do and even in the moments where it feels like everything is falling apart, there is always something to be thankful for.

I am thankful for my husband, for the family we’ve created together, for the ability and honor of being the mommy of the two greatest boys in the world. I’m thankful for my own mom who is my idol, my family by blood, marriage and friendship. I’m thankful for so much, even the trials we’ve been through because they’ve given me a reason to remember to appreciate even the small things in life. They’ve made me and our family stronger and taught me that while you can’t always control what happens in life, you have the power to change the course of how it affects you in your ability to control your reactions to it.

I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with food, family and fun.

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