It’s not even 5am.
I’m currently sitting on the oversized chair in our living room nursing an impossibly perfect, chubby, absurdly adorable little boy who’s drifting off to sleep, his tiny feet crossed and his tiny hand cupping mine.
5am used to feel so early. Now it’d be considered “sleeping in” if that was possible. I’ve been up since 1am. And the tiny, impossibly perfect baby isn’t the reason.
Bry worked last night so I thought I’d take the opportunity to start sleep training kyle. At 2.5 months old he’s still sleeping on me. While it isn’t ideal, he sleeps really well on me which means I’m actually getting some sleep for the first time in 11 months. And it feels good. But I know the longer we wait, the harder it’ll be so we really need to start trying sooner rather than later.
The first night went well. Kyle slept soundly, mostly off me while I awoke every hour wishing him to awake so he’d nurse and relieve my chest. Then 1am hit and bry came home which woke me up for good. 3am hit and a certain almost 2 year old came strutting out of his nursery with his blankie. Unfortunately this isn’t unusual. He’s been doing this daily for weeks and usually we put him back in his bed with a fresh diaper and most often he’ll fall back asleep until 5. But he’s currently sporting a high fever and his cries of pain were so sad I scooped him up and brought him to the living room, propped him on the couch with a bottle and turned on Doc McStuffins (per his request).
I pumped for the first time in months and started much needed coffee and to my surprise and excitement, kyle stayed asleep on his own for 45 whole minutes! I ran to the bed to scoop him up when I heard him start to wail at 4:15.
Another pot of coffee. A giant bowl of oatmeal. Here we are.
Doc McStuffins has turned into last night’s episode of Greys Anatomy, both little ones are softly snoring and I expect that any moment the biggest brother will come trotting down the stairs, loudly proclaiming “choo chooooo”.
And of course his volume will awake the younger two and the day will officially begin. So for now, I’ll sit here watching Greys, sipping coffee and nursing this sweet boy who is growing right before my eyes. And for now, I’ll soak up the rare silence.